Best Man Speeches
People take for granted that Wedding DJs have literally seen it all when it comes to weddings. After a while, you mentally take notes and compare one wedding to another wedding. You remember the best and even the worst. In reality, Wedding DJs are a wealth of knowledge about what works and what doesn't work. And most times, that information is venue specific because we've played the same venues over and over and over. In my experience, one of the oft overlooked elements of a wedding is the Best Man Speech. I've seen some really really good ones. And I've seen some really bad ones. REAL bad ones.
From my DJ perspective, wedding receptions happen in phases. And each phase is distinct. Aside from being a highly recognized traditional element of a wedding reception, the Best Man Speech also signals the transition from dinner to dancing. As a result, the Best Man becomes the defacto lead-off man for the DJ. If the Best Man is dynamic and delivers a great speech, he makes my job as the DJ a lot easier. But if he falls flat...
Win The Parents; win The Crowd
As with any speech, the key is to be absolutely clear on your answer to one critically important question: Who are you writing the Best Man Speech for? Heresy it may be, but the truth is that any Best Man wanting to “score big” with his speech should build it around what will engage and entertain The Parents, not The Friends. What will The Parents find funny? When recounting the stories, what traits in their offspring will The Parents recognize and enjoy? And most important, what will make The Parents proud of their new son-in-law and their new daughter-in-law? No, this is not about being a sycophant. Far from it. It’s about doing what’s in any speaker’s best interest — recognizing the number one rule of public speaking — know your audience. (It’s also about discharging your duties responsibly, but we can save the high-horse preaching for another time). “Win The Parents and you will win The Crowd.”
Think about it. The Father Of The Bride has just given one of the most emotional speeches of his life, releasing his baby girl to another man. Emotions are running high. Hankies are on stand-by. Everyone is there to celebrate the same thing, a new and happy union. At a time like this, NOBODY wants to hear the Best Man - fueled by a mixture of booze and lack of preparation - rambling through an awkward drunken spectacle of a speech, sharing inappropriate and embarrassing stories about the groom in front of the bride's family and friends.
And speaking of the bride's family and friends, a wedding audience is a complex beast because the crowd is so diverse: young and old, rich and poor, aunts and uncles, grandparents and 5 year old grandchildren, close friends and distant cousins, traditional and “not-so-traditional.” Yet I've seen far too many Best Man Speeches written and delivered for the friends of the Groom. And ONLY the friends of the Groom. I’m not saying the Groom isn’t fair game on his Wedding Day - of course he is. But not if it risks alienating a whole bunch of other people who weren’t there "that one time in Vegas when wild and crazy Fred did two lines of coke and took not one but two strippers back to his room for wild unprotected sex because you - his best friend - forgot to put the condoms in the suitcase before y'all left..." See how that's probably not a great wedding reception story?
What Makes A Lousy Best Man Speech
The lousy speech that’s more like a reading; The stale internet gag; References to girlfriends past; Clever jibes that fall flat; and an ending with a toast that brings more relief than joy. So, how can Best Men give themselves the best possible chance of being a hit? “No Best Man ever gave a great speech by making the Groom’s friends cheer and the Bride’s parents cry.” Well, let’s start by recognising that preparing and delivering a Best Man Speech is nerve-wracking. Trust me, I’ve been there. I worried about whether the jokes would work. I worried about whether I had enough material on the Groom. I worried… I worried… and I worried some more. But that’s OK. It’s natural. More to the point, it’s important. It shows you’re serious about wanting to do a good job. But there is pressure. It stems from the received wisdom about what constitutes a “strong” Best Man Speech:
The speech shouldn't humiliate the Groom.
The speech should strike the tricky balance between hilarity and seriousness.
What Makes A Great Best Man Speech
From what I've seen, the best speeches were always smoothly delivered and all hit some very basic elements. And although the Best Man might say, "I didn't prepare any remarks..." or "I don't have a speech. I'm just going to speak from the heart..."; they were lying. They practiced and they practiced A LOT. From the corner of the dance floor (where people normally stick the DJ), here's how I can tell a good Best Man speech: First there are chuckles. Then the chuckles turn into a dull roar. As I look around the room, I see guests affirming the Best Man's speech with knowing nods and glances, spontaneous applause, or perhaps even the occasional hanky. Of note, when the mother-of-the-bride cries all her mascara and eye liner out, you've absolutely killed it as a Best Man. And oh, remember this axiom: Win the parents; win the crowd.
How do you make sure the delivery flows? I say almost never start with talking about how nervous you are. (The guys who talk about being nervous normally aren't.) I also say just relax. That’s a hard thing to tell someone to do, but to put it differently: Remember, you're not performing. You’re not on stage starring in your own one-hour comedy show on HBO. You’re there because you know someone and care about them, and you’re sharing that with a bunch of other people. Imagine you’re just telling a story to a group of friends. (Because in reality, you really are.) Plus, even a great best man speech is not supposed to steal the show. It's about the bride and groom.
Before You Begin
Start off by writing down thoughts freely about the bride and groom and your relationship with them. How do you know them? Why did they choose you as best man? How would you describe each of them? What are the first five adjectives that come to mind? What was the groom like before he met the bride? How has he changed knowing her? How did they meet? How did the groom tell you about her? If you are married, you may wish to think about marriage advice you've received or learned. Are there any particularly amusing anecdotes that illustrate who the groom is? Read through samples of classic wedding toasts and highlight any that seem particularly appropriate to you. Once you've done that, it's time to craft those ideas into a heartfelt and entertaining toast.
Beginning
Start off by introducing yourself, as not everyone in the room will know who you are. You might say "Excuse me, everyone, if I could have your attention please. I'd like to take a few moments to say a few words about our bride and groom. I'm Zachary, Jerome's Best Man, and longtime good friend." To get people's attention, you might say a quick joke or a quote about marriage. Before you get too far into your speech, you should thank the host and say something like, "We're all delighted to be here today on this joyous occasion."
Middle
This is where the notes you wrote down before will really come in handy. Tell a funny story about the bride and/or groom (that's funny, not humiliating!), give your thoughts on love and marriage, tell the story of how they met or talk about how you've seen them grow throughout their relationship. While you may know the groom better, try to make your toast balanced by speaking about each of them. Try not to talk too long as nobody wants to hear you ramble, but do give some interesting details. At all costs, avoid ex-girlfriend stories and keep it rated PG for kids and grandmothers in the room. If you are sincere about what you are saying and your words come from the heart, it's hard to go wrong.
Closing
It's often good to wrap up your toast with a wish, a toast or a blessing for the couple. Raise your glass with resounding congratulations, cheers, l'chaimor salud, and don't forget to drink to your own toast! Write your toast down on a notecard or on your phone and practice it a few times beforehand so you don't sound like you're reciting it without a personality. You may also wish to run your toast by a trusted friend who can give you some feedback. Then it's time to relax, enjoy the wedding, and support your friends.
Here’s your cheat sheet:
Open by thanking those who made the day possible – end the intro with saying “Thank you to all those who have made it here today.”
Transition to your speech: “I am especially glad to be here on this occasion to celebrate this wonderful day with my friend/brother.”
Talk about how you know the groom, why you’re grateful for having him as your friend, and why he’s such an upstanding guy.
Share a story about your friend and connect it to the couple.
Raise your glass and ask everyone to join in a toast to the happy couple.
Let out a sigh of relief.
10 Steps to the Best Best Man Speech
Prepare. As soon as you find out you're going to be the Best Man, start mulling over ideas for the speech. The goal of the speech is to celebrate the couple and make them look good. Think of stories from you and your buddy’s past that show what a great guy he is. Begin brainstorming and jotting down thoughts, stories, jokes, and quotes you might want to use. If you don’t know a lot about how your buddy and his wife met, ask.
Stay sober. Sure, you want to enjoy yourself, and yes, alcohol may help take the edge off of giving a speech in front of hundreds of strangers; they don’t call alcohol liquid courage for nothing. But make sure you’re not sloppy drunk when you give your speech. You don’t want to be completely uninhibited or you might say something you’ll regret later on. Besides, a man doesn’t need a crutch to help him tackle a challenge. Be man enough to postpone your own gratification until after the speech is completed.
Open by expressing gratitude. Thank all the people who made the day possible. Single out the bride and groom’s parents by name, and offer a toast to them for not only putting on the wedding but for raising two fine people. Thank the guests for coming.
Tell a story - make a connection. The ideal way to structure a best man speech is to find a connection between a story about your friend and your support for the couple. Share a story about how your friend would always lament that he would never find a woman with x,y, and z qualities, but how he finally did in his newbride. Or tell a story about the moment when you were hanging out with the couple and you realized your friend had found his match. Another good angle is to talk about the way that the bride and groom balance one another. Relate a funny (not embarrassing) anecdote in which one of your buddy’s personality traits tripped him up in some way. For example, the story could be about how your friend is very shy and how this shyness caused some humorous event to occur. You then talk about how bubbly and outgoing his bride is, and how they therefore balance each other and make a perfect team.
Avoid controversial topics. Keep your speech on topics that aren’t controversial, offensive, or embarrassing. You would think this is common sense, but people somehow forget this when they’re standing with a microphone in their hand in front of a crowd of people. What gets people in trouble is attempting to be funny by sharing some embarrassing story or cracking some lame joke about a ball and chain. It usually comes out horribly and no one laughs. It’s okay to share a humorous anecdote, but not one that gets laughs at the expense of your friend and his new wife and embarrasses them and their guests. Don’t talk about the groom’s past relationships, don’t tell people what you really thought of your buddy’s wife when you first met her, don’t slam the food, don’t make comments about “looking forward to the honeymoon” while winking at the bride – basically, just use some tact and common sense.
Avoid inside jokes. I hate when people do this in small groups. I hate it even more when people do it in front of larger groups. If you want to keep people’s attention, save the inside jokes for when it’s just you and your friend.
Keep it short. Nothing irritates people more than some rambling drunk going on and on and on. People have probably already listened to the maid of honor and the bride’s father give their spiel. By the time they get to you, the crowd is ready to eat cake and get on with it. Shoot for no more than five minutes.
End with a quote. An easy way to end is by using a quote that wraps the speechup nicely. For example, you can’t go wrong with: “Marriage is not about finding aperson you can live with, it’s about finding the person you can’t live without.” After that you can simply say, “My friend has found that person.” The End.
Raise your glass and propose a toast. Raise your glass and say something to the effect of: “Here’s to a lifetime of happiness and love for ____ and____!”
Remember to be yourself. No need to get formal or try to be someone you’re not. And there’s no need to follow these instructions exactly either. Simply use them as a guide and be yourself. Let it flow naturally. Use your natural voice and mannerisms. Make it personal and sincere and say things from the heart and you should be golden.